Baka Moments
by Foozy-heeh
Summary: Random...drabbles I guess..o.o Yes, I enjoy writing these xD rated T for safeness
1. mug madness

Ooh Woopdee Flipping doo... ; I just got my inspiration for this...So..uhm..this is a bunch of random stories and such..all fit into one chapter...I believe they are called drabbles..o.o...But...I think drabbles are shorter...So I'll just be quiet and shut up about them...-.-'

At first I had no clue what to call this...So I'll just call it Baka Moments. I...thought of this...while I was in the bathroom...YES THE BATHROOM, SO BE QUIET! -goes to cry in a corner-

Disclaimer - I do not own fma or any characters..just..the plot...If I did own it..Hughes wouldn't have COUGHDIEDCOUGH. -runs-

* * *

Roy Mustang sat in his giant new chair in his office. He threw out his old one and got a nice big new spinny looking one which, according to him, made him feel "very special,". So now that he felt 'very special' he could actually concentrate on his work for once and actually not have his angry, crazy, and overly obsessed Riza Hawkeye come over and tell him to sign his papers.

Riza Hawkeye looked from her desk over to Roy's and noticed that he was _for once_ working. She supposed he must've gotten a new girlfriend and wanted to go out of work early. But...didn't Roy _always_ have a new girlfriend? She got back to her own work only to look up again 3 seconds later to see Roy getting up from his desk.

"Where are you going?" she asked, dropping her pen on her desk to face Roy.

"Coffee.." Roy grabbed from his desk a new coffee mug that Riza hadn't noticed until now. And sweat dropped off her head when she actually _did_ see it.

"Sir..."

"It's new! Don't you like it? I got it yesterday and I thought it would look awesome!" Roy exclaimed as he saw her blank expression on her face.

"..." Riza was silent. She didn't know how to take this new piece of information that was on the mug. "I...love..._yaoi_?" she read off the words spread out on Roy's mug. She didn't know what else to say.

"SHIT, Wrong mug!" Roy yelled as he threw that mug in his desk and reached out for another in it. He pulled it out and held it up to Riza. "This is the new mug I got,"

"WHAT THE HELL, SIR!"she screamed as she read this mug that Roy was holding up. "I LOVE RIZA HAWKEYE!"

"No! This must be some misunderstanding! I didn't buy this!" Roy angrily looked in his desk again. He pulled out more mugs. "I love yaoi. I love me. I love Jean Havoc." Roy read off the mugs as he placed them with a bang on his desk. "Who did this!"

Right then Maes Hughes burst through the door with his brand new camera and was laughing his head off. "That was perfect! Those were perfect pictures!"

"You..." Roy glared at Maes and grabbed his gloves unnoticed from his desk. "YOU BASTARD!" Roy began snapping away trying to catch Maes on fire. Maes _and_ his camera that is.

"Aw, but at least you expressed your love to Haw-"

BAM

Roy's foot made contact with Maes's stomach. Maes fell backwards and abruptly stopped speaking. "You could've just said if you wanted me not to say anything. But I was telling the truth with the yaoi thing,"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Roy yelled out. For one thing, he didn't want Hawkeye to know he loved her. For another, he didn't want Hawkeye to think he was gay.

"Denial is the first stage, Roy!" Maes yelled out and stood back up, patting Roy's shoulder. "Soon enough, you'll be happy to tell the world you like yaoi!"

"Why are you doing this to me! What have I done wrong to you?" Roy yelled out into the air.

-in heaven-

"Oh my! It seems as if my Roy-Mustang-is-yelling-at-me senses are tingling! I guess I should go see what's wrong." God arose and was about to start walking.

"Ooh ooh! Can I come too!" Ishbala clung onto his robes and wouldn't let go. "Pllleeeease!"

"..."

-back in Amestris-

"Oh I'm sure things will start looking up for you Roy!" Maes said, happily. He started walking toward the door and opened the door and was about to leave before he said something else. "Maybe if you're lucky, Hawkeye will say yes to your proposal!" He slammed the door shut after that comment and breathed heavily. He was glad he shut the door because after that Roy began having a fit.

Jean Havoc started walking back after hearing the loud commotion in the Colonel's office. He wondered what was going on, but now that he actually thought about it he didn't want to get in the middle of whatever was going on. Maybe he'd go in _after_ the thing was over. He reached Roy's office door and saw a happy looking Maes, with a burnt camera hung around his neck. _'You'd think he would've broken down by now because of the loss of his 'precious' camera,' _Jean thought as he stared at Maes. Well too bad he did break down, right in front of Havoc that is.

"Whyyy? It was so young! It didn't deserve to die!" Maes yelled out and clung to Havoc. He started crying but Havoc didn't care and continued smoking his cigarette, until ia piece of it fell off and fell onto Hughes's head. Aah. Too bad for Hughes, because his hair just caught on fire.

"OH MY GOD, IM GOING TO DIE!" he screamed out, let go of Havoc, and began screaming down the hallway until he was out of sight.

Havoc let himself into the Colonel's door and walked up to Roy. "Just what the hell was going on before I-" His eyes caught sight of Roy's mug which said "I love yaoi". "Sir..."

"Shut up, Havoc,"

"I never knew sir.."

"SHUT UP!"

Havoc did as he was told but then his eyes caught up to the mug which said "I love Jean Havoc".

"WHAT THE HELL!" Havoc screamed and pointed to Roy's mug.

"SHUT UP!"

"BUT, COLONEL!"

"SHUT. UP." Roy ordered as he picked up the mug and threw it out of his open window. "I don't love you! Understood?"

"No, sir. I don't understand..." Havoc replied as wondered what on Earth Roy was doing with that mug.

-outside-

Kain Fury was about to walk in Central Headquarter's military base when he heard a loud crash behind him. Apparently someone just threw a mug outside their window. He looked around and bent down to look at the fragments, wondering if anything was written on it. Fury picked up a piece and looked at it closely, rubbed his eyes, looked at it again, rubbed his eyes again, and looked the piece of the mug he was holding. He was pretty sure that it said "I love Jean Havoc" but that would be completely absurd. He knew the right thing to do. And that was to show this to Roy Mustang and ask if he knew who it belonged to. He stood up straight and casually walked inside Headquarters.

-inside Roy's office-

"I don't want to talk about it," Roy said stiffly, sitting back in his nice comfy big chair, while ignoring Kain Fury's 'discovery'.

"But ,sir! There could be someone stalking him! I know that if someone was stalking _me_ I would want to know about it!" Kain exclaimed, trying to get the Colonel to understand. But Roy understood more than Fury thought he did.

"I don't want to talk about it," Roy repeated.

"I know what this means!" Fury jumped back at pointed viciously at Roy.

"Eh?" Roy raised an eyebrow and frowned.

"_YOU'RE _Havoc's lover!" Fury yelled aloud and Havoc fell to the floor from his chair and nearly choked on his cigarette.

"NO WAY!" Havoc yelled from where he was lying on the floor.

"NO!" Roy yelled. He never thought that Fury could think in a way like that. And most importantly, how he could think about him in a way like that. "I don't flow that way!"

"That's what you want us to think," Hawkeye said from over her desk.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Roy yelled at her.

"Wow...Maybe I've done enough damage," Maes said from outside the door. "But I sure wish Roy hadn't burnt my camera..."

He opened the door and looked around. Fury was pointing at Mustang. Mustang was looking evilly at Hawkeye. Hawkeye was busy with her work. And Havoc was lying on the floor, choking on his cigarette.

"Now I _really _wish you hadn't burnt my camera, Roy,"

"Shut up, Hughes."

* * *

okay..o.o...doney with the first..._thing_


	2. Roy's nightmares Or are they?

Meh...Yay a review! Only one so far..but oh well..-cries- but as a little sidenote..SNOW!#$#$ OMG SNOW!#$! Ok im done expressing myself.

Roy was bored. And when he was bored, dangerous things happened. So Roy tried to avoic these dangerous things and tried to go outside, until stopped by Lieutenant Hawkeye.

"Sir, you need to finish your paperwork." She spoke like she always did. And she didn't have any emotion added to it. This is what made Roy want to leave even more, as if that wasn't possible.

"I'm done with all of it," Roy Mustang lied viciously.

"I highly doubt that sir,"

"Have you ever thought that maybe if you finished all of it early for once, you'd be able to leave early?" Havoc asked from his side in the room. His feet were picked up on his desk and he leaned back in his chair.

"You should listen to Lieutenant Havoc," Riza said as she stood her ground in front of the door. Roy lazily walked back to his desk and sat down before he noticed the snow was getting at 1 foot deep. He sat down at his desk and picked up his pen.

After what seemed like 2 hours, and 2 more feet of snow, Riza Hawkeye moved herself behind Roy's desk to see how he was doing. She was silent.

"...Is this what you've been doing for the last 2 hours?" Her voice was flat and Roy was taken by shock, for he hadn't seen his 1st lieutenant coming. He violently covered the scrap of paper with his arms and prayed to god she didn't see _what_ he had been doodling.

"Uhm...Maybe..." Roy sounded like a child, trying to hide a secret from his mother. Sadly in this part Riza was the mother and Roy was the child. But as they always say "Mother's know best," you could really count on that being true.

She raised an eyebrow and stared at Roy. She had seen a 'Z' in what he had been drawing, and there weren't many words with the letter 'z' in it.

"If you were curious, Colonel Roy Perverted Mustang was drawing-"

Havoc was cut off because at that moment Roy chucked a giant lamp from his desk at Jean Havoc. He was pretty sure Jean would suffer from minor head injuries, but other than that everything was fine, is fine, and will be fine. Just as long as Havoc doesn't wake up.

"WHAHAHAHAHA!" Maes Hughes was behind Roy's window and Roy screamed and snapped his fingers. Hughes just _had_ to come at the worst possible moments. Wait a minute. He thought back at what he just thought. Maes Hughes was behind Roy's window...WHAAT?

"OH MY GOD!" Roy stared face to face with Hughes who was hanging by a rope on the window. "What the hell are you doing Hughes!" Roy screamed. He was still hyperventilating from the shock Maes had given him.

Maes happily held up the camera and bore and evil grin on his face. "Well, Colonel Roy Perverted Mustang, I've come well prepared today!" Maes's voice was muffled by the fact he was behind Roy's closed window.

Oh he did not.

Oh he did not just do what Roy thought he did..

"_OHMYGODWHYMUSTYOUTORTUREMELIKETHISWITHAMADMANLIKEHUGHES!"_ Roy's mind was screaming at him. But this only meant one thing. If Hughes was behind his window taking pictures...

"You did NOT just take pictures of what I was drawing!" Roy's face had 'death' written all over him. Hughes realizing this opened his eyes wide and spoke briefly before disappearing above the office floors.

"Well looks like I have tons of work to do Roy!" and with that he was gone.

Roy was pissed off.

Angry

Distressed.

Perverted.

His eye was twitching and the fact that Maes would soon be releasing pictures of Roy the Pervert around Central Headquarters wasn't helping.

"Colonel Roy Perverted Mustang, huh?" Riza spoke up and she crossed her arms in front of Roy. Roy's senses were tingling and they never lied. This would be one of the times that Hawkeye would yell at him and nearly shoot him down because of his love life. Well. He could count on one thing. He was a dead man before this was over.

Riza opened her mouth to speak and Roy shot out of the room before you could say "I'm dead". Top priority was to find Hughes. Molest- WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING! Molest Hughes! His best friend. What the hell! He stopped in a mid run and banged his head on the wall closest to him. There was something creepy going on, and he didn't have the slightest of what it was.

And there he was. Hughes was walking in a..I guess you could call disguise. But it really sucked though. He was wearing an old beard, that was completely gray. And he was wearing a cowboy hat which kind of left Roy wondering.

Roy bolted toward Hughes and pinned him against the wall.

"Geez, Roy. You're not only a womanizer..You're a manonizer too." Hughes raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Please, Roy. It's okay for you to do this..But not in public." He pushed Roy away from him and continued walking down the hallway.

"...Hughes..." Roy whispered in a death tone.

"Yes?" Hughes replied and turned around to face Roy.

"Die, you crazy idiot." Roy snapped his fingers.

Mrs. Hughes paced around in her home while Roy was still sitting in her couch. "Roy," she spoked, there seemed as if there was something she wanted to say but just couldn't.

"KISS ME, ROY!" Hughes yelled out and opened her arms in a hug.

"OHMYGOD!" Roy screamed.

Roy thrashed around in his bed and in a flash he was sitting straight up against the back of his bed. He breathed deeply and told himself it was a dream. A dream, that was all. Hughes was alive, Mrs. Hughes...wasn't going to ever say that in a lifetime, and he wasn't known as Colonel Roy Perverted Mustang. Well..He hoped not. But then again, he wondered why his bed felt so heavy. He turned his head and saw something shiny. _'Oh, hell no...' _

"Roy! My baby!" Edward Elric yelled out and tried to grab on to Roy for a hug.

"OHMYGOD!"


	3. FMAHP disaster

Again..I was in the bathroom while thinking this up..Please kill me...-.-

And two chapters in one night, woohoo!

HP+FMA Disaster

Roy was dazed. I guess you could say he was on the verge of sleeping. But a loud and crude knock interrupted his.. 'beauty sleep'.

"Whowhaa?" Roy rubbed his eyes and tried to think clearly. The knock on his door became louder. It was the fact that someone had woken him up, which made him angry. "Come in," Roy said stiffly as he straightened himself up. The doorknob turned and in came a tall man who was carrying a large pointed stick in his right hand.

"Who are you?" Roy asked in a very rude way, but he didn't care. That man had woken him up. And the only way he would've been happy that he'd been woken up, was that if the man had come to tell him he'd been promoted to Fuhrer. But that was unlikely.

"I am Nicholas Flamel!" The man stood straight and proudly. But Roy's confused look became worse.

"_Who?_"

"You introduce yourself, now!" The man told him angrily. It wasn't a suggestion of manners. It was a demand. And it made Roy think that this man was some sort of snobby rich dude collecting money.

"I am Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist." Roy raised an eyebrow. "Now what do you want?"

"I knew it! The Flame Alchemist! We will now have to fight!" The man proudly raised his stick on the air.

"But I only _just_ met you!"

"Well I guess that means you're just scared of being beaten by your own skill! You little pansy!"

Roy twitched. Oh no he did not just call Roy Mustang a pansy! Ooh he was going to pay for that.

"You want to say that to my face?" Roy demanded threateningly. He held a fist up and clenched his teeth.

"You. Little. Pansy."

"BRING IT ON, BIOTCH!"

* * *

Scar walked around the streets of Central, trying to avoid the military who was on his trail. But he couldn't leave just yet, and he doubted that those pathetic military officials would bring him down. He doubted it highly. But he wasn't paying attention and bumped into a small young boy. 

"Sorry, kid." Scar grunted as he kept walking away, but something grabbed onto his shirt.

"_Little KID_?" The small young boy, didn't seem to be very small. His hair was a bright blonde but his eyes were a deep gray. Which made them interesting to stare at. Except right now, whereas anger filled them.

"You're that outlaw, Sc-" The boy was cut off, by Scar pushing the back of his hand in front of the boy's mouth. He wouldn't want to get caught by some kid wandering around in Central. But he was strong and pulled Scar's hand back down.

"I want to join you! And murder those filthy State Alchemists in the name of Ishbala!" He stated quietly. Scar raised an eyebrow in shock. Three words were crossing his mind at that moment. What the hell?

"You're not from Ishbal," Scar pointed out as he dragged the boy into the alleyway.

"Well, I still want to do this. I'll help you kill State Alchemists. And you'll help me kill those filthy mudbloods!"

Mudbloods? What the hell?

"Yeah, sure." Scar wasn't taking him seriously, but the kid really was.

"We'll get rid of them! Together! Then we'll be feared the most dangerous people in this country!" the boy grinned evily.

"Fine," Scar grunted. Anything to make this kid shut up.

"I'm Draco Malfoy," the boy held out his hand for a shake. Scar took it.

"Call me whatever you want," Scar spoke back.

"Mr. X?"

"No."

* * *

Envy lay down, he was bored. He couldn't find the Fullmetal Pipsqueak anywhere, he couldn't fight him. Lust and Gluttony were out doing some work for Pride. Sloth was with Pride. Wrath. Wrath? There was no flipping way he'd get stuck in a room with that crybaby. 

He sighed and transformed himself into a phony military officer. He'd go check up on the military and maybe get come new instructions to do. It was better that sitting in a room all day doing nothing. And so he went. It was right after he opened the door, when he saw a man in a dark cloak in front of the door, about to knock on it. _'Talk about wierdo,' _Envy thought as he stared at him/her/it. It was hard to tell what it was because of the cloak.

"You are Envy, are you not?" The voice of the thing was quiet and cold. Envy transformed himself back to normal and stared at the person.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"Homonculus." the cloaked man stated.

"_Thing._" Envy replied back coldly.

"I am Lord Voldemort. I've come here for a reason."

"Yeah well guess what, Mister Voldemgut? We've already got a leader. We don't need you."

"No. I've come to help you." His voice was sinister and kinda creepy in a way.

"Oh yeah, well. You're gonna have to ask someone else that. Not me, wierdo."

"I'm immortal as well. The only thing stopping me from being truly powerful is that boy Harry Potter,"

"Uhm...Okay...and?"

"Join me, and I'll let you rise to the top with me." Voldemort was getting excited.

"What's in it for me?" Envy asked suspiciously.

"Lot's of random killing!" Voldemort replied, happily and joyfully.

"I'm in!"

* * *

Maes Hughes was in a staring contest. He was losing, terribly. 

The wall had all advantages against Hughes.

A loud knock on the door forced him to blink and walked up toward the door. Hughes pulled it open to find a red headed freak standing in front of his house with a serious look on his face.

"Uhm...Hi?" Maes was speechless. What was he _supposed_ to say to a freakishly tall, read headed, kid?"

"Listen. There is a decision that needs to be made. Made for me to get to the top of a certain goal." The boy said seriously. Maes listening intently and opened his mouth a little.

"A staring contest?"

"No, you idiot!" The boy slapped himself in the face and continued on. "Well this decision will make me be number 1 at something I know I can do!"

"And that is...?" Maes tried to move the boy along. It was as if he was being some sort of star for a drama and was trying to be as suspenseful as anyone could possibly be.

"If I beat you to the death. I will be the most annoying person in the world." The boy smirked and looked at Hughes.

"Well HAH! It's not as if _you_ can beat me! Because I am the most annoying person in the-" His words sunk in. "I'm the most annoying person in the world?"

"Well I wouldn't be here if you weren't," the boy rolled his eyes and shook his head. "So are you just going to give it up? Or are you going to face me like a man!"

"Well I wouldn't be the most annoying man in the world if I didn't face you like a man," Hughes grinned evilly and decided upon one thing.

"The thing that will decide between us." Hughes started

"Is." the boy continued.

"A staring contest." Hughes finished and looked the boy straight in the eye.

"I ALREADY SAID NO TO THAT!"

"It's the only way, child! Speaking of child..I don't even know your name.."

"Ron Weasley!"

Maes smirked. Then laughed a little. And broke into a full hysteria. "RON WEASLEY!"

Ron's eye twitched and stared at Hughes.

"That has to be the most hilarious thing name in the world!"

Ron continued to stay quiet. He was shaking in anger.

"Okay..okay I'm done." Hughes finished his fit and calmed down.

"You better be," Ron muttered and held his breath.

* * *

Edward Elric sat on a chair in the Rockbell home, waiting for Winry to finish repairing his automail. 

"Could you get any slower, Winry?" Ed complained. "I need to get back to Central!" This comment only resulted in a whack of the head by Winry's wrench.

"It's your own fault you're like this! You should be more careful next time!" Winry complained back. Honestly, she had a point.

"Well, you try being careful when you're fighting against a man who can blow up anything he damn well pleases." Ed muttered under his breath. Unfortunately..Winry heard him.

"You're fighting against whaat?"

"Nothing!" Edward yelled back. The last thing he needed was Winry worrying over him. "That stupid Colonel broke my armor in a fight, that's all." Edward lied as he tried to get out of Winry beating him up for getting into so much trouble. "So if you have any problems, take it up with Mustang."

"Yeah, sure." Winry said disbelievingly. It hasn't been the first time Edward had lied to ensure peace.

SLAM

"OHMYGOD!" Edward jumped up in shock, causing Winry to accidentally jab him with a screwdriver. "Watch where you're pointing those things!" Ed yelled at Winry.

"What do you mean 'watch out'! You're the one who asked me to fix them for you!"

"Well why don't you be more careful?"

"Then be more careful not to break your automail, you dimwit!"

Ed was stuck. He didn't have any more comebacks, now. He was about to speak when a short boy his age came wandering in the room they were in. He had round glasses and a scar on his forehead (a/n: OMG I WONDER WHO THAT IS!). A small girl followed behind him.

"You're _supposed_ to knock, Harry." the girl said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I am the Boy Who Lived! I no need to knock on stupid doors!" The boy named Harry pulled off a pose like Armstrong would and waited for some response. The girl sighed and looked toward Edward and Winry, who were staring in shock and confusion.

"Now where's Edward Elric..." Harry looked around and squinted, trying to find Edward.

"I'm over here!" Edward yelled, waving his arms around like a maniac.

"I doubt the Fullmetal Alchemist is a midget like you!"

"That's not a nice thing to say," the girl said while raising an eyebrow.

"WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A SHRIMP, YOU BIG HEADED, MESSY HAIRED, SCAR ON YOUR FOREHEAD, FREAK!" Edward screamed out whilst jumping up again.

"WELL IF YOU JUST TOLD ME WHERE THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST-"

"I'M RIGHT HERE!"

"Well I wasn't expecting the shorty to be the Fullmetal Alchemist, but oh well. I'll teach him the hard way," Harry sighed. "No need to worry, Hermione, after this we'll find the _real_ alchemist. Hermione sighed as she realized that there would be no end to finding the Fullmetal Alchemist, because that kid really was the alchemist.

"This will be finished quickly," Harry wielded his wand and Edward was about to clap his hands when-

"Hey, Winry. Could you _please_ hurry up on this arm!" Edward shook his loosely hanging arm and Winry fastened one more screw into place.

"There."

"Thanks." Edward clapped his hands and transformed his arm into a giant sword.

"EDWARD!" Winry screamed, swinging her wrench at Edward. "Don't do that to the automaill!"

"WINRY!" Edward complained back. "It's the only way to get them to shut up and leave!"

"Well don't do it in our house!" she yelled back.

"Fine then!" Edward yelled and started dragging Harry off to the Rockbell's front yard.

'_Blimey, they yell a lot,' _Harry thought as he looked back at how much they really yelled.

"You should be nicer to your girlfriend," Harry said, while standing in the front yard.

"WHAT GIRLFRIEND!" Edward violently shook his normal fist at Harry and prepared his steel one for battle. "Anyway, let's just get this done and over with. Maybe if I beat you up a few times, I'll get through your head that I am the Fullmetal Alchemist." Edward finished, coldly and was about to run when Harry spoke back.

"Then let's stop the chatting and get started.." There was an evil glint in his eyes.

"I was about to just say the same thing,"

* * *

Roy and Flamel lay on the parade ground, panting and could've sworn they were going to get a heart attack. Roy was so weak he couldn't snap his fingers. Flamel couldn't cast a spell to finish off Roy.

* * *

Scar and Malfoy wandered the streets in Central, searching for a stray State Alchemist to kill. 

"I never realized what you did was so boring," Malfoy muttered under his breath.

"Well it's not exactly fun either, killing people. But I must," Scar said.

"Yeah, sure..."

* * *

Envy and Voldemort happily ran around Central killing civilians. They didn't give a crap about the military because they weren't coming, and even if they did, they'd kill them. 

"Wee! This _is_ fun!" Envy happily cried out.

"It is isn't it! Oh crap, I broke a nail," Voldemort slowly brought out his spidery hands and examined them while Envy gave a creepy stare.

"Whaat?" Envy said disbelievingly.

"Nothing," Voldemort shot his hand but under his cloak.

* * *

Maes's and Ron's eyes were watering in pain. But they couldn't blink no matter what. 

"Can't you feel the pressure?" Maes said, wincing a little, but not closing his eye completely.

"I can..But the question is, can you?" Ron said trying to keep his eyes open longer that Hughes could.

"Of course I can," Hughes said, in a proud voice. "After all, I am the master of staring contests."

"You sound confident,"

"I _am_ confident.."

"Honey?" Mrs. Hughes looked in after the two men. "You've been at it for _two_ hours. Can't you give it a rest?"

"NEVER!" they both yelled at the same time.

* * *

Harry could feel like his arm was just going to fall off any moment now. But he didn't want to turn into an 'automail freak', which he just called Edward minutes ago. 

But Edward was tired from the fight too. He couldn't finish Harry off either. But he didn't want to end up getting a draw. 'Elrics' never lose,' was what he had said at the beginning of their fight. He only wished it were true.

>>> 

This is why Fullmetal Alchemist and Harry Potter should never ever EVER come together. Disasters happen.


	4. Geiwhaaat?

Ok um yeah...I really have no ideas for that harry potter fma thing XD. So I'll continue it later..In the meantime...

* * *

Gei-whaaat? 

Hughes strolled into Colonel Roy Mustang's office with... a gecko of all things on his head! The gecko was bright green and was smiling brightly. You know..If you pieced it together, they were much alike..Hughes and the gecko. The smiling maniacs they were.

"Look what I got, guys!" Hughes happily said out loud, walking up to Roy's desk.

"What the hell is on your head, Hughes?" Roy raised an eyebrow and wondered what the strange thing on his head could be. It wasn't anything he'd seen in his lifetime before. And hell, he'd seen a lot of things.

"It's a gecko! Isn't it great?"

"Oh, bundles of fun fun fun..." Roy rolled his eyes and went back to doodling on his paperwork. He didn't know what he was drawing. But from a distance it looked like a giant monster eating Maes Hughes...which actually seemed to be the point.

"You see, it's from that Geico commercial!" Hughes pointed out and held the Gecko out onto his palm. "It's so adorable!"

"Geico...commercial...?" Roy could officially dub Hughes as mentally insane because he was pretty sure there was no such thing called a Geico..and what the hell was a commercial?

"You know! The car insurance company!" Hughes tried to get it into Roy's head.

"What's a car...?"

Hughes gasped out loud and the gecko covered its mouth in shock. "You don't know what a car is?" Hughes yelled out loud and the gecko pointed its 'finger' at Roy accusingly.

"What? I don't! So what!" Roy could tell this was going to lead to torture of some sort by Hughes. He didn't like the sound of it. He didn't like the sound of the word car.

"Chief..It's the thing you ride in on every single day..." Havoc said from the other side of the room. "You know..that four-wheeled thing..." Havoc ruffled his hair a bit. "Yeah..I remember you calling it a 'monster from hell' the first time you saw one..."

Roy remembered now. 'Monster from hell' had stirred up his memory, but he didn't want people to know he didn't know what a car was. Even..even though he didn't.

"What _are_ you talking about, Havoc?" Roy didn't want to continue on the subject.

"Colonel Roy Mustang...Egotistical bastard who keeps acting like he has no clue what's going on around him, just to keep his reputation up." Havoc muttered under his breath and shook his head as he listened in amusement to Maes and Roy.

"Well you see, this little fella' is a gecko! The very one from the Geico commercials!" Hughes exclaimed proudly.

"And a commercial is..what exactly?" Now Roy really had no clue on anything Hughes was saying. This was just plain gibberish to Roy.

Hughes impatiently rolled his eyes and tried to explain him the concept of a commercial.

"It's an ad! You _do_ know what an ad is, right?" Roy nodded his head. He at least knew _that_. "Well a commercial is an ad on television! Oh the wonderful joy of television!"

"The wonderful joy of _what?_" Roy tried to think up what on earth a television was. He vaguely thought up of some sort of machine which was a giant telephone...And could see..with a billion eyes. He just prayed that a television wasn't _that_.

"Roy! You're so behind in reality!" Hughes yelled and the small gecko hissed in anger. Roy slightly backed away from the two.

"Uhm...yeah, ok, sure..." Roy blinked and really just wanted out of here.

Havoc watched slightly amused. To tell you the truth, Havoc could also dub Hughes insane. Because there really was no such thing as a television in Amestris.

"Uhm...Hughes.." Havoc began to speak, but never really got his chance to talk because...

"Wanna pet it!" Hughes yelled ecstatically. He held the gecko right in front of Roy's face and nearly made Roy jump back in shock.

"NO!" Roy yelled out, trying to push the gecko out of his way. "Get it away from me!"

"Awww, is the mighty Flame Alchemist afraid of Gelacia?" Hughes had a smirk that had blackmail written all over it.

"Ge...lacia...?" Roy's mouth twitched as he tried to figure out what in the name of God a Gelacia was. "What the hell is a Gelacia..?"

"I'm glad you asked! You see, when I got this little guy I needed to find a name! So why not combine the names of my daughter and my wife? Thus I got Gelacia!"

"You total moron...Have you realized that the gecko's a boy?" Roy pointed out, and picked up the gecko. He flipped it upside-down. "See?"

Hughes slapped Roy in the face. "You're not supposed to stare in places like that, Roy!"

"Well what do you want me to do? It's not as if it's trying to cover anything up by wearing clothes!" Roy complained. He wasn't a pervert. He just wanted to point a very obvious fact to Hughes.

"But that's still sick, Colonel..." Havoc bit his lip and smirked at the though of Roy doing things like that.

"Shut up, Havoc..." Roy unconsciously slammed his fists on his desk. "I have work to do, get out Hughes..." Roy spoke with his teeth clenched and anyone in their right mind would've left right then and there. But..you know Hughes is never in his right mind.

"Ah, yeah right Roy!" Hughes said playfully, and took the Gelacia back into his hands. "We all know you're the lazy Colonel who refuses to do his work! What makes you think we'll believe that you'll do it now!"

"..."

"It's just like the boy who cried wolf, Roy!"

"Please don't compare me to that crazy child.."

"But it's just like that!"

"Hughes..."

"And you know it to be true!"

"Hughes..."

"So you can just admit it!

"HUGHES!"

"Whaa? You don't have to yell, Roy...Geez..I'm right in front of you!"

"..." Roy didn't want to even make a comment. "I'm actually going to take this seriously, now..So you can go now.."

"Wahahahahaha! Nice try, Roy!"

"Hughes..." Roy's voice was deep and filled with death, kill, and hate.

"Aahh...We'll leave you along...Come on Gelacia!" Hughes carried his gecko and walked out of Roy's office. Roy, relieved, sat back down on his chair and continued to doodle on his papers. Who the hell cared if he finished his work or not?

* * *

Ahh...okay..so yeah..like i said up above..I'll finish that HPFMA thing later XD cuz im a lazy idiot 


	5. For the love of

Hmmm...I thought about this before bed..And it seemed pretty cool to do it..So I got out of bed and I'm sneaking on the computer..-.-'

Anywaaay.. . ; I noticed most of my fics revolved around Roy and Maes. (Well..that would be kinda obvious since they ARE my favorite characters -hugs plushies-)

Edward: "How come I never get fangirls!"

Fuzzy: Ah, but you do! You have a lot fics on yourself!

Edward: "Yeah, and they always have me being gay and with Roy Mustang, that bastard!

Fuzzy: Fine...What if I dedicated this chapter to you..will that make you feel better?

Edward: "...No..."

Fuzzy: I'll do it anyway...

WARNING Episode 25 spoilers...so if you didn't get up to that far, I suggest you don't read this.. !

-For the love of...-

Edward Elric wandered around the streets of Central. He was supposed to be at Headquarters, handing a paper in to Mustang. But he really didn't feel like it. For one thing, he didn't do it. For another, how mad could Roy get at him for now doing one stupid paper?

Very mad.

"Where's Fullmetal, damnit?" Roy slammed his fists on the table of his desk. "I should've never gave him that mission! That paper is practically going to decide my promotion? Why did I give it into the hands of a 15 year old!"

Oh well.

Ed dragged his feet over and over. He didn't really have anywhere to go. Any place was fine, it was just that military officials seemed to be everywhere. And most likely, they'd go tell someone that he wasn't going off to work. He passed by the cemetery and his eyes became curious. He bet that no one would ever guess he was in there.

Ever since Hughes had died Edward really had a reason to stop his quest on the Philosophers Stone. If people had to get involved and get hurt, he really didn't want that. He could tell people not to get involved and it would be dangerous. But Maes Hughes had been different. He'd always find a way to help someone. But in the end, he was killed for knowing too much. Upon finding out he tried to call his best friend. But Envy had taken advantage of him and killed him by his only weakness.

It seemed as if things just couldn't get any worse.

And Edward hadn't known for so long. He hadn't been able to give anyone an explanation, or tell them what had happened. Things just really sucked for Ed.

He looked around for Hughes's grave. He's known about Hughes's death, but never really visited his grave. He remembered when he was younger he would've gone to his mother's grave and stand there for hours in thought.

"_Look at how big Elysia has gotten! She can now ride a tricycle. She follows me around everywhere on that thing! Like my own escort of cuteness!"_

"_Oh yeah. I'm a Lieutenant Colonel now! Got me in charge of Court Martial Investigations!" Hughes exclaimed happily. _

"_Sounds like fun filled beyond belief..." Edward groaned. _

"_Alchemists Consent!" Hughes took a deep breath and stood up straight and suddenly broke off into a terrifying run. "READY AND FIGHT!" _

"_Huh!" Edward looked around confused. _

"_Where were you Hughes!" Roy angrily asked as he caught sight of his friend. _

"_I was in hiding!" Hughes proclaimed seriously. _

"_You're supposed to provide backup!" _

"_A normal guy like me isn't going to be part of a 'believe it or not' episode with nutcases like you guys!"_

"_Nut..." _

"_Hey, Ed! You getting it on with a woman in your hospital room!" Hughes ran into Ed's hospital room happily. _

_Edward fainted. _

Edward chuckled as he found Hughes's grave and stood in wonder. Memories flooded back from when he'd been alive.

"Man..." Edward groaned. As much as he hated the guy, you had to admit he liked him too. He shook his head and turned to leave when a voice stopped him.

"'Man' what? You'd think you'd be a bit more happy to see me, Ed!" a voice behind him resounded.

"Huh?" Edward turned around again when he faced Maes Hughes. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" Edward jumped back in shock and nearly fell on his butt. What? He was only spitting out the truth.

"It sounds as if you were hoping..."

"No! I mean... You really are! That's your grave over there!" Edward frantically pointed to Hughes's grave. This couldn't be happening. He was going insane. That had to be it. He was going insane. _'You've been insane...'_ the little voice in his head told him in a loud voice.

"Is that supposed to mean I can never ever come back?" Hughes's head went down to his side in a disheartened way. He actually was hoping for more of a better reaction from the small alchemist to see that he was actually here.

"I'm crazy..I'm crazy...This can't be happening. You're not real..." Edward groaned as he began to walk away shaking his head. "No no no...This can't really be happening."

"Oh, come on! Don't leave!" Hughes called after him. When noticing he wasn't coming back decided on why not following him?

And follow he did.

Sadly.

"Would you stop following me, you?" Edward angrily yelled as Hughes had been following him for the past half hour. You couldn't call it following. I guess you could say stalking. Edward had noticed him when Hughes tripped over his own feet behind him.

"You could just say my name," Hughes said sadly.

"I don't even know your name!"

"Yes you do! It's Hughes!"

"You're not Hughes!"

"Yes I am!"

"NO! I _refuse _to believe that you are Hughes. Because Hughes is dead!" Edward clenched his fists and kept walking. He hoped that if he kept walking Hughes would stop following him.

"Oh come on, Ed!" Hughes whined.

"Mustang won't even believe you're Hughes! You watch!"

"He'd know his best friend when he saw him!" Hughes said. He knew the truth. He _knew _Mustang would know it were him.

"Well let's go find out.." Edward grinned an evil grin and headed toward Military Headquarters.

A knock resounded upon Roy's door. Roy's hands were clenched and he was trying to act as calm as he possibly could. But it _really_ was a scary sight.

"Come in," his voice was filled with death and anyone with enough sense wouldn't have gone in his office.

Edward walked in his office and Hughes followed behind him. No one seemed to notice. Edward walked right up to Roy's desk and stood straight.

"Edward! Where have you been? That report is due in an hour!" Roy suddenly caught sight of Hughes. "Hughes why are you in my office? Get out! I am _NOT _going to look at _ANY_ pictures of your daughter!" His words suddenly sunk in and the room became quiet.

"HUGHES!" Roy jumped up and nearly tripped over his chair and onto the floor. "You're supposed to be dead!" Roy yelled and pointed a finger accusingly at his friend.

"Is that what everyone's going to say to me the first time they see me?" Hughes asked angrily.

"H-Hughes?" Havoc's eyes were wide in shock. When Roy seemed to scream out

'HUGHES' his attention was caught and turned over to see Maes Hughes standing there. "No, you can't be!"

"Brigadier General?" Hawkeye looked in the direction of Hughes. She made no noise other than that. Her voice suddenly rejected working.

"Huh? I'm a Brigadier General?"

"I KNEW IT! GHOSTS ARE REAL!" Fury screamed out and ran out of the office. He continued screaming 'ghosts are real' while running down the hallway.

"What the..." Hughes didn't know _what_ to say.

"..." No one else spoke for a while. They all knew Fury was kind of superstitious... Ok...'kind of' was an understatement. Fury was _VERY _superstitious about ghosts in particular. They were pretty sure it started with Warehouse 13.

"COLONEL! You told us they didn't exist!" Falman accused Roy.

"Th-They don't!" Roy yelled back at Falman. What was he supposed to say? 'Oh it looks like I'm wrong. Ghosts do exist!' would've sounded terrible coming out of the Colonel's mouth.

"That's mean, Roy..." Hughes looked down and felt like crying. "How could you do this to me!" Hughes went up to Roy's face. "Why?"

"Stop that!" Roy pushed Maes away from him and in the process banged his head on the wall behind him. "Owww..."

"Hey, Roy! I've got an idea!" Hughes happily jumped up and down.

"...what..."

"Let's all go out together for dinner!" Hughes happily said.

Roy was silent. The last thing he wanted was that. It wasn't that he didn't believe it was Hughes. He knew now it WAS Hughes. His attitude, personality..It all fit. He didn't want to go because of the fact that it WAS Hughes.

"Come on!" He took everyone's hand and began to drag them outside into the car.

"NO!" Roy screamed out.

"I don't want to eat out with a ghost!" Falman yelled.

"Brigadier General!" Hawkeye didn't know what to say. She wasn't one to question her superiors.

"I don't even know you!" Edward angrily wailed.

Havoc was silent.

-outside-

After being squished into the car, Hughes finally got behind the wheel. In the passenger seat was Havoc who was absentmindedly chewing on his cigarette. In the back was Falman who sat on the corner of the car. Mustang sat in the middle with Edward sitting on his lap. Hawkeye sat quietly on the other side of Roy.

"Hughes!" Roy yelled angrily at his best friend. "May I ask _WHY_ you put Elric on my lap! Why couldn't it have been Hawkeye?" Hawkeye landed a punch on Roy's face.

"Because you and Ed make such a nice coup-"

_From high above, Fuzzy throws a giant rock at Hughes's head. "NO! NOT IN THIS CHAPTER!"_

Hughes cut himself off and shut the door of the car.

"Maybe _I_ should drive, Hughes..." Roy said, throwing Edward off his lap. Edward fell on Hawkeye. Roy got out of the car and put Maes in the middle of the back, where he had been sitting. "Ok..uhm... So where do we go?"

"Uhm...How about that really expensive restaurant which is one hour away from here?" Hughes suggested.

"NO!" Everyone from the car yelled.

"Fine...how bout the one six blocks down?"

"Okay.." Roy replied and turned on the engine of his car.

"Everyone get your death wish ready..With Mustang behind the wheel we're all going to die..." Ed announced the car.

"Shut up, Fullmetal.." Roy angrily said and he accidentally slammed down the gas pedal.

"ROY!" Hughes screamed from behind the car.

Roy slammed down the breaks. "I'm a good driver..see?"

Sirens sounded from behind their car.

"That was fast..." Hughes said under his breath.

An officer came out of their car and walked up to the car everyone was in. He looked like he was trying to impress someone. He was taking an awfully long time to walk such a short distance and he seemed to be shaking his butt as he walked.

"Oh for the love of god.." Hughes muttered while taking notice of the officers behavior.

The officer reached the car and Roy rolled down the window. What happened next nearly made Roy gag.

"Can I have you license and registration please?" The officer asked politely. That wasn't it. The thing that made Roy nearly gag was the fact that his voice was insanely high pitched and girly.

Roy shuffled around his pockets and handed it to the officer.

"It looks like you've got a full house," The officer stated, noticing how many people were in the car. "What's the occasion?"

Roy frantically tried to come up with an excuse.

"You see...Ms. Hawkeye in the back seat is married to Maes who is in the middle. Their son is Edward who is on Ms. Hawkeye's lap. Me, Jean, and Vato (that's his name, right?) Are friends of them..."

"So why were you speeding?" the officer asked.

"MAES IS PREGNANT! WE NEED TO GET TO A HOSPITAL!" Roy screamed frantically. This was payback time. Maes nearly choked himself from the back seat.

"But this Maes is a man..." the officer stated.

"It's a sad long story! But Maes is pregnant and needs to see a doctor right away! He says his stomach's been getting worse by the minute!"

"In that case, we should go right away!" the officer yelled loudly and started giving directions to the hospital.

Everyone in the car was shocked and wen the officer went back to his car no one spoke for a while. Maes Hughes broke te silence.

"I'm _pregnant_? I'm going to kill you, Roy...I'm not kidding.." And out of nowhere Maes got out one of his throwing knives and threw it in Roy's direction. Roy ducked in time and saw the knife sticking out of the steering wheel.

"Hughes! It worked, right! We're not in trouble, so it doesn't matter!" Roy said trying to save his life.

"I Don't care! What kind of excuse was that! If you had to make someone pregnant, you could've made it Hawkeye! And speaking of Hawkeye..Why did you make me married to her! And Edward's our son!"

"I'm with you here, Hughes! Let's kill Mustang!" Edward agreed and transmuted his automail arm into a large sword.

Hawkeye did nothing. She let the 3 men fight.

Mustang jumped out of the car and gained his balance. The next thing he saw was Hughes and Edward running toward him with a angry look on their faces.

-later-

Roy Mustang opened his eyes. He stood up and looked around him. He saw Maes sitting in a chair next to where he was sleeping.

"What...where are we?" Roy rubbed his eyes and looked at Maes. "Maes?"

"You're _dead_, Roy...Me and Edward killed you. To tell you the truth, it was quite fun really.."

"You...did..._what_?" Roy's voice held a known anger to it.

"Yep..Welcome to my world, Roy!"

Roy pounced in anger at Maes. And punched him in the face. "What. The. Hell?"

"You shouldn't hit a pregnant man, Roy..It's rude." Hughes said angrily at Roy and reminded him what he did earlier.

Roy angrily looked out of the side of his eye and clenched his fists and his teeth together.

"Don't look so sad, Roy!" Hughes said, grabbing Roy by the shoulder. "Now we can live forever, just the two of us!"

"How is that a _good_ thing, Maes?" Roy felt like killing himself again...Was that even possible. Because if it was, he'd do it right away.


	6. I'm bored

Hehe...I was bored..and you know whaaat?

Boredom

Colonel Roy Mustang's office was empty at 1500 hours on a Tuesday. Well, almost empty. Roy was in there and so was Maes Hughes. But Hughes doesn't count because he was being as annoying as any man could get.

"Soooo..." Maes yawned as he stretched his arms from the chair he was sitting on.

"Sooo..." Roy scratched his eyebrow and put down his pen on his desk. "I'm bored.."

"Seriously, Roy..If I had grown an armpit hair every time you said 'I'm bored', I'd be able to make a rope!" Hughes said as he glared angrily at Roy.

"Eww..." Roy looked at his friend disgusted. Sometimes he wondered where he pulled these kinda of things from. Does he have a hat with all his subordinates names on them? And every day he picks out a name and that's the person he bothers for the day?

"I'm only stating the truth, Roy!"

"I don't want to know these things!"

"But I'm your best friend! You have to!"

"..." Roy picked up his pen in silence and began to sign papers absentmindedly. He didn't car what they said. If they needed signatures, he'd sign them..That was that.

"Roy..you _do_ know what you just signed right? That's a paper deciding if you're going to let your subordinates go to Lior and stop the uprising..." Hughes said with a serious face.

"WHAT!" Roy screamed. He accidentally kicked his desk in shock and sent signed papers flying. He jumped up and tried to search for the signed papers. "Where'd they go?"

Hughes watched in amusement. He didn't want to tell Roy just yet that he'd been kidding. He grinned evilly and slowly took out his camera. _'Just a few shots won't matter. Roy probably won't even notice...' _Hughes thought to himself and took a few snapshots of Roy in panic.

"I can't find it!" Roy screamed and tripped over his own feet in the confusion. Papers flew on top of Roy and he lay on the ground face flat. He suddenly realized something.

"Maes.."

"Yes, Roy?"

"Can I kill you? Please?"

"No..."

Hughes raised an eyebrow and slowly lifted himself off the chair, hoping Roy wouldn't notice. But Roy jumped up and threw himself forward to catch Maes and grasped him by the neck. "THAT WASN'T FUNNY!" He screamed.

They both fell backwards and Roy fell over and lay on top of Hughes.

The door opened.

"Colonel..." Edward Elric stood in the doorway. "May I ask exactly _what_-"

"Shut up, Fullmetal.." Roy stood up and brushed off his uniform. Maes just lay where he was, still trying to figure out what had happened.

"Hehe.." Edward snickered and ran out of the doorway. Roy knew where this was leading.

"GET BACK HERE, ELRIC!" Roy demanded and chased after Edward, but almost tripped but got himself back up and ran after him.

"Never, Colonel Mustang!" Edward yelled and kept himself going forward. Roy chased after him and knew he ought to be able to catch up with the kid. He was older, faster, and...had his flame.

"Fine then!" Roy stopped himself and snapped his fingers quickly enough to stop Edward. He didn't want to burn him..but just stop him, so he burned his shoes so that they would stick to the ground.

"No, Colonel, don't molest me! Please!" Edward yelled in sarcasm from where he was. But only one skilled in sarcasm would be able to tell the sarcasm coming from Edward's mouth. The colonel stood where he was in disgust and shook his head, then ran toward where Edward was standing.

"HELP ME!" Ed yelled out. "Don't let him hurt me, please! I'm too young for this!"

"Shut up, Fullmetal!" Roy yelled out and finally reached Ed. He easily picked him up and started carrying Ed toward his office. Roy just hoped no one had heard Edward's stupid yelling.

* * *

"And look at this one! He would've never guessed!" A voice rang out from the office and Roy ran in to find Havoc looking over Hughes's shoulder to look at some photographs.

"Hughes..." Roy whispered in a deadly tone.

"Ah, Roy!" Hughes yelled out slightly shocked. He knew what was going to happen. He did the only thing possible and the thing that made sense. Run.

"HUGHES!" Roy angrily snapped his fingers and made sure that Maes's camera would never find its way into Roy's office again.

"Wow, Colonel..You take things so seriously..And why were you carrying Edward?" Havoc said, slightly shocked by Roy's reaction.

Roy was silent. He made no response. The only thing he did was tie Edward up in a chair and made sure his hands weren't in a possible position to clap and use alchemy.

"Uhm..Colonel.." Havoc raised an eyebrow and kinda felt sorry for Edward. Hey..I said kinda.

"Quiet, Havoc.." Roy said as he started walking toward his desk. He picked his pen up again and this time he was sure to read his papers a little to see what they were exactly.

Edward made a grumpy face and stared in anger at Roy.

"If you would just keep your mouth shut about things you didn't understand, we wouldn't be in the situation." Roy said, not taking his eyes of his signatures. He continued onto another paper to sign.

"Well if you just kept your love life outside the office!" Edward retorted back at Mustang.

"THAT'S WHAT I MEAN! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Roy squeezed his pen in anger and realized if he tightened his hand any more, the pen would explode.

"Colonel, You're a sick bastard! Hughes is married and has a kid! I can't believe this!" Edward struggled in his chair.

Roy's mouth twitched and tried to keep himself calm. "I tackled Hughes. I wasn't doing what you were thinking I was doing.."

"Exactly! You tackled him to get him into place!"

"You're the sick bastard, Fullmetal! I wasn't doing that!" Roy yelled back. He clenched his fists in anger and pulled his hair from his head. How could he get this ignorant boy to understand? But before he could decide that, his hands rubbed against each other while he was pulling the hair on his head. Uh-oh.

Edward caught on fire.

"MUSTANG?" He screamed.

"Hehe..." Roy did nothing.

Havoc stared. Maybe he should try to help...But did he did that he'd end up like Elric...


	7. insanity

Well..I just thought up of this. When I was cooking pasta, yay! Anyway... Everyones...just crazy..and that was the whole point in making this..:D So..ok let's start...

* * *

-silence...- 

Roy pranced around Central while holding a basket of fruit. He skipped by Headquarters, he skipped by a crazed looking Jean Havoc, and he skipped by a bakery. Once his eyes set on the bakery he decided to go in. _'I should get Scar some cookies. Or maybe even a cake!' _he thought as he skipped his way inside the store. He looked around happily when all of a sudden Scar walked into the bakery.

"Scar!" Roy happily yelled, while seeing his friend walk into the bakery. He jumped up and quickly went up to him to give him a tight hug.

"Roy!" Scar hugged him back and they both gave each other a nice big hug. The baker jumped up from behind the counter and joined in on the hugging.

"Group hug!" they all yelled at the same time. Then they all giggled as they let go of each other.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Roy said as he held out the fruit basket to Scar. "I put exactly what you wanted in there!" Scar took it happily and peered inside to see what there was.

"Wow! Just what I wanted! Chocolate inside a fruit basket!" Scar happily said and bit off a piece of the chocolate inside.

"I knew you'd like it!" Roy giggled and jumped up and down in excitement.

Just at that moment Maes Hughes strolled his way into the bakery. "Roy!" Maes yelled at the sight of his best friend.

"AAAH! It's kodak man!" Roy screamed upon seeing Maes Hughes. He scurried behind Scar and screamed, "SAVE ME!"

"Don't worry! I shall protect you!" Scar ran up to Maes. He ran. He ran. And when he got close enough he gave Hughes a giant hug. "Let the power of love flow into your body and destroy your alchemic ways in the name of Ishbala!"

Maes screamed, fell to the floor, and twitched from the 'power of love' flowing into his body. After awhile he stopped moving and fell silent.

"Scar, you saved me!" Roy yelled and ran up to Scar. "My hero!" Roy gave Scar a tight hug. Scar hugged back and the baker came back up and hugged them again.

"GROUP HUG!" They all yelled and giggled afterwards.

Riza Hawkeye walked into the bakery carrying her purse and suddenly stopped when she saw the three grown men giggling, and Maes on the floor who was not moving at all.

"AAAH! It's my crazy subordinate and my secret crush, Riza Hawkeye!" Roy yelled and once again hid behind Scar. "Save me, Scar!"

"Are you crazy?" Scar turned around and looked at Roy. "She'll freaking kill me if I try to touch her!"

"You won't help me?" Roy started to cry and went into a fetal position and started to suck his thumb.

Scar broke down. "Of course I'll help you! I'd never leave you alone to a maniac like her!" Scar exclaimed and turned back to face Hawkeye. Except she wasn't there.

"Eh? Where'd she go?" Scar said as he looked around and scratched the back of his head.

-outside-

"I will never look at Roy the same way agan. EVER." Riza told herself as she leaned back against the bakery wall. She took a deep breath and continued her day. Hoping that things just weren't the way they seemed they were.

-back inside-

Roy shrugged and turned back to Scar.

"I'm bored..." Roy yawned and turned to Scar.

"I wanna go do something..." Scar muttered and looked down at his feet. "Murder someone..I dunno.."

"Well..I give you permission to kill Edward Elric!" Roy exclaimed, suddenly remembering the short alchemist and his fiesty little attitude.

"Aww? You mean the Chibi Alchemist! I could never kill him!" Scar pouted and crossed his arms.

"Are you cheating on me!" Roy yelled angrily, suddenly getting ideas.

"Never!" Scar lied as he tried to think up of some dumb excuse. "Edward's just way too strong for me to kill. I could never do it even if I tried!" Yep. He couldn't lie for his life.

"Awww! That's so sweet!" Roy said to Scar.

_'He fell for it...'_ Scar thought as he raised an eyebrow to Roy's stupidity.

"Now what...?"

"Chocolate?" Scar held out some chocolate from the fruits basket he was carrying.

* * *

Okay..That was really creepy..O.o  



	8. whaat if?

You know..I'm always somehow find myself thinking "what if alchemy was possible?" or " What if the Fullmetal Alchemist characters actually existed?". I know that they're stupid questions and that they'll probably never come true or anything. But you can't help but wish. And somehow I really DO wish that I could somehow leave to the FMA world as an escape or something. And sometimes I have these creepy kinds of dreams..Really creepy..cuz like once. I had a dream that Roy was dying. (OMG MAY THAT NEVER EVER HAPPEN). Ok..now..this is where I got this idea for this chapter. My dreams.. And stuff

Soo..this is written in First person view (meaning that it's coming from MY point of view).

So..Enjoy .

Oh yeah..This chapter has SERIES SPOILERS! AND MOVIE SPOILERS!

* * *

I impatiently looked through my room. There was nothing to do. My eyes caught glance at my laptop, sitting on my wooden desk. I was tempted but I knew better. I wasn't allowed on it on the weekdays. Laying on my bed, I realized that there would be an episode of Fullmetal Alchemist on later tonight. But that would be hours away. What do I do _until_ then? 

I fiddled with my fingers and stared at my radio which was on my bedside table. I wasn't allowed to use that either. Stupid rules...Stupid parents. I knew that even though it was 9pm they'd still know that I was on..somehow..I just don't get it.

I jumped up and went into a sitting position on my bed. I hopped off it and looked around. My brother would probably be sleeping right now..And my parents would be sleeping too. But whenever I sneak on, they catch me like 10 minutes later.

A small light caught my sight while I was blankly staring out into space. A light? Coming from my window too. I wondered.

I quickly walked up to my window and peered out them. It was dark, being winter and all. But you could still make out some shapes out in the darkness. They were moving down the street. There were 3 figures. My curiosity got better of me and I opened my window. Completely. Now I mean the window itself _and_ the screen.

I was a total idiot...It was _winter_! My mind screamed for a coat or at least a sweater and I got one which was hanging behind my door. I went back to the window and jumped out onto the cold slippery ground. There were certainly advantages to living on the ground floor. I threw my arms out for balance. From being a little part of gymnastic, I knew that if there were no balance in things, we'd all fall onto the ground (a/n: lmao I just made that up XD). I was glad nearly all of my wardrobe was black. Black hair, black coat, black shoes. Geez..I just noticed all the black that I wear..I feel so stupid now...My brown skin was still dark and I was probably invisible to the passerby.

I quietly ran toward the group of people. Now I felt even more stupid. What if they were criminals. I'd just fall right into a trap and might as well go up to them and say "Wanna rape me?". A part of me told me to go back, but I was still curious. And curiosity always seems to make people change their minds.

I heard a loud snap and a flash of light nearly blinded me. (a/n: I know, I know! Don't flame me! Alchemy isn't supposed to be possible in our world..just deal with it!) The light went away as quickly as it had appeared.

"What's..." a voice said with exasperation.

"Awwwww..Look, Roy, It's a little kid!" A cheerful voice chirped in.

I twitched at 'little kid', but my ears opened up at 'Roy'.

"Who is she?" a feminine voice asked quietly.

Ok..So there's a woman with them. Well, that certainly relieved me from the fact that I'm not going to get raped! Not.

"How the hell am I supposed to know! It's not as if I know her or anything!" The first man said, slightly irritated.

"Well you are the 'mighty' Flame Alchemist!" The second voice said.

"Just because I'm an alchemist doesn't mean I'm psychic, Hughes!"

I stood quietly. Hughes? Wait...one...minute...

"Well you should be!" 'Hughes' said confidently. "Trust me! If you ever find out a way to be psychic you'll make it all the way to the top!"

"I'm sure I will," 'Roy' said, trying to make Hughes shut up.

I didn't hear the woman try to say anything.

"ANYWAY!" 'Roy' said very loudly, apparently trying to catch their attention.

"Geez, Roy..we're right here..You don't have to scream and wake the entire neighborhood up.." 'Hughes said.

"..._Anyway_..." The loud snap was heard again and there was a flame sitting in a man's palm.

I gasped. I pointed. I saw. "ROY MUSTANG!" I nearly screamed.

"Huh?" Roy raised an eyebrow and looked at me crazily. I danced around him and clung onto his leg.

"ROY!" The black hair. Black eyes. Flame alchemist gloves.

"..." Roy was silent.

"Awwww, Roy has a little lover! Ain't that cute, Riza?" Hughes happily said to a anger filled Riza Hawkeye. Her hands were on her gun and her face had death all over it . Hughes pulled her back and slapped Riza on the face. "SNAP OUT OF IT!" Obviously Riza couldn't snap out of it. Because this girl came out of nowhere and began to hug Roy. _Her_ Roy.

"It's just a kid, Riza...It's not as if she's going to do anything!" Hughes whispered quietly.

Riza tried to contain herself.

"That's not it.." She lied. "How does she know us?"

Hughes sighed deeply. "I don't know. But whoever she is seems to know Roy really well.." Hughes smiled at an anger-filled Roy who was standing stiffly.

I jumped up and gave Roy a giant hug.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" I squealed, beginning to lose it. Heck, what was I saying? I've lost it from the beginning.

"..."

Riza snapped. "GET OFF OF HIM!" she yelled, picking up her gun from the holster. I looked blankly at her, and when I realized she was pointing a gun at me I screamed.

"AAAH!" I dropped down to the ground and the next thing I heard was a gunshot.

I remember the first time I dropped to the floor. It was in my Home Economics class. We were making gingerbread houses and my teacher was taking pictures of us making them. All of a sudden she said "Hera, look up!". and I look up and I saw her holding a camera. I fell to the floor before she took the shot. It was kinda weird. It was like instinct. Or maybe it was because I hated pictures.

So now I was glad that I had these reflexes. Insanely glad.

Roy stared in shock as the bullet flew past him. Hughes tackled Riza and threw her gun away from her.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Hughes screamed again as he slapped her squarely across the face. _'Oh, come ON! It's just a kid!' _Hughes angrily told himself. _'How can she get so angry about a kid?'_

Riza struggled and I looked in shock. Geez, if she wanted me to get off of him, she could've just _said_ so.

"So _anyway_," Roy said again," You should get back home." He looked at me.

"You can't boss me around," I angrily said, pouting slightly.

"..." Roy angrily sighed.

I smiled in victory.

"So how do you know us anyway?" Hughes cut in. He was still sitting on Hawkeye.

"Uhm..Well you kinda _are_ famous in a way.." I said trying to keep things straight to the point.

"...We are...?" Roy smirked and chuckled. "So tell me, how are we famous?"

"TV show!" I said happily.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Huh?" I asked looking around curiously.

"TV?" Hughes asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah..you know...the thing...uhm..._you know!_" I said. I really didn't know how to explain it.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." I didn't even bother speaking. "ANYWAY..you're just famous.."

"Oh joy.." Roy said. He didn't even know _how_ he was famous.

"Anyway..the name of the show is called Fullmetal Alchemist!" I added.

"Fullmetal...HOW DOES ELRIC DESERVE THE NAME OF SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT!" he asked viciously.

"...well...the storyline _does_ revolve around him..." I said backing away slightly from Roy. "You see..In a light..you are just a side person..kinda..."

"..." Roy didn't like how that sounded.

"Aw, Roy cheer up!" Hughes exclaimed. He was _still _sitting on Hawkeye. "I'm sure that you have tons of people who like you anyhow!"

"You know, he's right!" I said, remembering the oodles of fangirls that belonged to Roy Mustang. And..Geez, he didn't even know it.

"So..Tell me..Does Elric ever reach his goal?" Roy Mustang asked intently.

"Well...Uhm...In a way..." I scratched the back of my head...

"Huh?"

"What do you mean?" asked Hughes who rest his chin on his palm.

"Uhm..Welll...Alphonse _does_ get his body back..But Edward doesn't. And Edward is kinda...uhm.." I didn't really want to say it. As much as I hate Edward, you gotta feel sorry for him now that you know that he actually existed.

"Yes?"

"Okay..Edward still needs his automail! And he's on the other side of the gate!" I blurted out.

"Gate? You mean he left Amestris?" Roy asked stupidly.

I slapped myself. "NO! I mean..the other side of the gate...as in.." I thought of a way to say my words. "He's not in Amestris anymore. Heck..he's probably in this world. Probably still there in this time and date. In Germany, you know."

"Ahh..I knew that!" Roy said confidently. I slumped down and rolled my eyes. _'Sure you did..' _

"Buuuuut!" I said, remembering another piece of information. "Alphonse goes with him to the other side!"

...No one said anything

"Geez, if Armstrong were here, he'd go nuts.." Roy said while rolling his eyes slightly.

Ohmygosh, he was right...

"So..." Hughes began. But I accidentally cut him off.

"And what are _you_ doing here!" I said. Okay..That was really rude. But seriously! Isn't he supposed to be dead?

"...What...do you mean...?" Hughes asked very slowly. I wished I hadn't even said anything.

"Uhm.." I fiddled with my fingers. I didn't know what to say. It's not everyday you go up to someone and say 'Oh my! You're supposed to be dead!'. "Welll...uh.."

"Spit it out.." Roy said impatiently.

"You're in love with Roy!" I pointed at Hawkeye, who was still under Hughes. "You're supposed to have an eyepatch!" I pointed at Roy. "And you're supposed to be dead!" I pointed at Hughes, who had a shocked expression on his face.

If I had a camera right then and there I would've just transformed into Hughes and would've just started snapping away. But it was kinda sad, you know. Riza's secret revealed, Hughes's secret revealed, Roy's imperfect face revealed. I felt so evil.

"Waaait! I'm supposed to die!" Hughes exclaimed, nearly losing it. "When!"

"Uhm...well it changes you see..." I didn't know how to word it.. "In the show you die a little after your daughter is 4! In the manga you die a little after she's 3!"

No one spoke...

"I have a daughter?" Hughes raised an eyebrow. This was...unexpected.

"Maes isn't even _married_ yet..." Roy pointed out.

"And I'm sure Hughes isn't the kind of womanizer Roy is," Riza said angrily. What the heck? Doesn't she love Roy?

"..." Hughes doesn't have a kid, isn't married. Does this mean that he's actually normal? "Well...he's going to get married..He's going to get a kid...And he's going to turn completely insane..."

"Like he isn't right now.." Roy mumbled.

Hughes lost it right then and there.

I sure wish I hadn't said he was going to get a wife and kid.

"I can't believe it, Roy! I'm going to _married!_ And I'm going to have a daughter too! I wonder what I should name her, Roy?" Hughes exclaimed jumping to Roy.

Okay. I take back what I said. Hughes wasn't going to _turn_ insane. He was insane from the beginning. I wonder if he was like this when he was a kid. I had a faint feeling that he was.

"Hughes...it's too early for this..You don't even have a girlfriend.." Roy said rolling his eyes a little bit.

"It's never too early to think about these things, Roy!"

"Oh yeah, and come to work with a baby names book, whydon'tcha?" Roy said sarcastically.

"That's a wonderful idea, Roy! And when I'm done with all my work I can go find a great name for my daughter!"

"..." Roy clenched his fists in anger. The fire that was burning in his palm went out.

I tried to hide my laughter, but was doing terrible at it.

"Let's go home..." Roy said in anger.

"What home?" Hawkeye bluntly said.

"You're the one who got us lost in this place.." Hughes said, remembering the incident in which they were trying to find their way back to Amestris.

-flashback-

"Roy...where are we? We've been wandering around here for hours. I think you're going in circles..Roy?" Hughes complained while trudging behind Roy, trying to find their way back to Amestris.

"Shut up, Hughes! We are _not_ going in circles! It has only been _ten minutes_! And I know _exactly _where I'm going!" Roy said viciously, leading the way for Riza and Maes.

-end of flashback-

"You can stay at my house, Roy!" I said dreamily. I could feel Roy backing away from me.

"I...I'll pass..."


	9. Havoc? wtf

Okay..so today, I just figured out how to get my story stats! ...which is kinda sad..because theres a tab for it right down the side..-.- And was I in for a surprise...671 hits, 4 favs, and 5 alerts...and only 12 reviews..which caught me by surprise...Anywaay..It'd be nice if you'd review..But it's nice to know that I have some readers..xD

Soo..I had this story written for like a week. I wrote it in class while I was waiting for my Language teacher to start class..Then I finished it during Lunch. But..Ima just start now..

* * *

-How it all began- 

Havoc: I want a chapter on me! Can you give me a chapter on me?  
Fuzzy: ...what's with everyone begging for chapters?  
Havoc: Well..it's the fact you never write about us!  
Fuzzy: I've got plans for this chapter...  
Havoc: ...You're always writing about that idiot, Hughes, and his best friend Colonel Bastard!  
Fuzzy: Uh-oh..-senses ranting-  
Havoc: It's like Edward said! He's a stupid parent, a buttinsky, and an overall annoying guy!  
Hughes: -walking by and notices Havoc's rantings-  
Fuzzy: Havoc..maybe you should stop..and I mean..like _now!_  
Havoc: No wonder they're best friends! The both procrastinate in work together! And Mustang spends all his time stealing my girlfriends!  
Roy: -walks toward Havoc-  
Hughes: No Roy..it's okay..I'll torture him today..-pulls out a few knives-  
Havoc: -notices them- AAH  
Fuzzy: Maybe if we all got to know each other's feelings..  
Havoc: Screw the feelings! Just save me!  
Fuzzy: How the hell do I do that?  
Havoc: or at last fulfil my final death wish and write a chapter on me!  
Fuzzy: FINE! I'll write a chapter on you..happy?  
Havoc: And hentai! I want hentai!  
Fuzzy: WHAT? -kicks off-  
Roy & Hughes: O.o Havoc you perv...  
Fuzzy: Chapter! No hentai!  
Havoc: FINE! -pouts-Fuzzy: That pout won't change my mind!

-And that's how this all began-

Havoc stared about the almost empty office room. Riza Hawkeye was sitting at her desk, doing some last-minute paperwork. Since when did she turn into Roy? Anyway, Havoc was the only one in the room besides Hawkeye. Why he was there? Don't ask.

Riza finally finished the last bit of her work and began to straighten out her desk. Her eyes caught sight of Havoc and was about to ask why he was up here when Havoc spoke..or erm..did something first.

"Moo Moo!" Havoc whispered across the room. Hawkeye watched with one eyebrow raised. What...was he doing?

"Hawkeye, Mooo!" it was a little louder this time...Havoc stood up and began to approach Hawkeye. Hawkeye moved back a little from the maniac.

"Okay, Colonel Bastard! Here I am! What do you-" Edward barged into the room and noticed Havoc approaching Hawkeye. "HAVOC! I thought we told you not to!" Edward yelled as if knowing exactly what was going on.

"Moo?" Havoc tilted his head and looked directly at Edward.

Edward twitched and transmuted his hand into a giant...ROCK! Which I know is impossible! (Havoc: Wtf is with you and rocks?). He ran toward Havoc and conked him on the head once, and he was out.

"Edward...may I ask, exactly _what_ was that about?" Riza asked, now seeing that Edward knew _something_ about what was going on.

"Well..It's a sad long story, even though it _is _ kinda short!" Edward exclaimed. (a/n: xD I stole that quote from Trigun. 3 Wolfwood).

"So...can I hear it?"

"You see..When Havoc was born, he lived on a farm. But when he was born his parents abandoned him, leaving him and the farm alone. Soo..apparently.. Cows raised him until he was 20." Edward sighed.

"...Cows raised him?" Edward nodded, "until he was 20?" Edward nodded again.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom for just a sec.." Hawkeye left the room silently

-interruption-  
-static-

Havoc: WAIT! ONE! MINUTE! Cows !  
Fuzzy: Oh come on! Everyone loves cows!  
Havoc:...okay you're right..but being raised by them!  
Roy: oh shut up, Havoc! You asked for a chapter! Not anything specific!  
Havoc: I said I wanted hentai!  
Fuzzy: I already said NO to that!  
Hughes: -slaps Havoc-  
Fuzzy: I bet if you ever became an alchemist, you'd be able to pervertify anyone to death!  
Roy: ooooh...-hi fives Fuzzy-  
Fuzzy: -blink- I DID A HI-FIVE WITH ROY MUSTANG!  
Roy,Havoc,Hughes: O.o;; ookaaay...  
-end of interruption-

Edward waited in the room and sat in Hawkeye's chair, waiting for her to come back. He began to whistle when he noticed that Havoc was beginning to wake up.  
"Oh..shit..." Edward whispered.

"MOO!" Havoc yelled and charged at Edward.

"AAH!" Edward ran directly out of the room. There was no where to go. And Havoc was catching up too! But..there was _one _place he could go. He kept running down the hallway, trying to keep away from Havoc, and finally made a sharp turn. Into the Lady's Room.

"EDWARD!" Hawkeye screamed as she was in the bathroom. Outside, bird's could be seen flying away.

"Oh shit...so _that's_ what's in here..." Edward whispered.

Havoc stared dumbstruck in front of the bathroom.

-interruption-

Havoc: SEE! Edward's the perv here!  
Ed: Hey!  
Fuzzy: No..that's just because I hate Edward..  
Ed: HEY!

-end-


	10. AUTHOR NOTE

I'm sorry to say everyone..that my laptop...my very precious laptop...my best friend..HAS BROKE DOWN!I know what you're all thinking "NOOOO!"  
Well that was what I was thinking as well...As for why it broke down..I've got a faint idea..I downloaded Knight Online, and after that kapoop. >. My laptop closed and it won't turn back on. It kind of just freezes at the Welcome screen just after you open it.

If anyone knows why that happened, or how to fix that, you could email me . I'd really appreciate it. Because until then I won't be able to make any new chapters for any of my stories. And seeing that this is my most reviewed, and most looked at story, I decided that I'd just tell you that I won't be able to write for awhile, until I can type something.

Now..As you are probably wondering "How are you entering this right now?" Well..I'm using my brother's laptop. So I'm writing this really quick..Since I've got school tomrrow, and it 1:30 am..XD

So I'm really sorry, everyone. : (  
Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be able to convince my brother to get me an account thing on his laptop, cuz he'd beat me up if I did it myself..: (   
Anywaaay...I'll see you guys around when I'm through with this broken laptop problem...

>Fuzzy-san 


	11. Roy's marriage! NOT

Right...so this chapter really took awhile to come up with..and I had an idea after watching Foster's Home...:D wow...that was random..anywaaaay..Ill start now

* * *

Maes Hughes sat in his couch at his home after waking up in the morning. He held a cup if coffee in his hands and he was due to go to work in two hours...Why was Maes up so early in the morning? Well...what other things than scheming evil plans! 

His daughter, Elysia, had already gone to preschool and he was stuck home with absolutely nothing to do. Poor Maes. He took a sip of the coffee and went on planning.

'_So if I somehow get Hawkeye to go out with Roy, it's a perfect way to get them together. Now...I need to find a way to actually DO it...Maybe if I...'_

"Maes.." Gracia stepped down from the stairs. "You never get up this early...What are you doing?"

"I'm thinking of kidnapping.." Maes took a pause, "our little angel!" Maes said happily..

Gracia stared blankly at Maes... "Elysia's at school...and you're her father..why would you need to kidnap her?"

"To find Roy a wife!" Maes blurted out.

"Maes! Our daughter is only THREE! Roy can't marry her!"

"No! I mean..." Maes slapped himself mentally.

"Yes...? What do you mean?"

"I'm going to work.." Maes said gloomily. He finished his coffee and went upstairs to change into his uniform. Gracia sighed.

* * *

at work 

Maes rummaged around his desk and tried to put everything in order. Even as a Lieutenant Colonel, he certainly had a lot of work to do. Now he kind of understood why Roy was so misunderstood about his paperwork...Okay, no he wasn't. But he always had this faint idea of some sort.

He stood up from his desk and pushed in his chair. He walked out the door and made his way to Roy's office with an evil smirk across his face.

Maes let himself in as he reached his friend's office.

Roy looked up for a second and then went back down to his work. "What do you want, Maes?"

"What? Aren't I allowed to just visit my best friend just to find out _how you are_?"

"No...and it never works that way...You're always here to:

1. Brag about your family  
2. Complain on why I don't have a wife.  
3. Torment me about how little work you have to do. And  
4. Pull pranks on me while I sleep"

"You forgot number 5." Maes pointed out.

"And what would 5 be..?"

"I dunno..I just made that up.

"Joy.." Roy continued to sign his papers and ignored Maes's presence.

"Anywaaay," Maes said finally.. " I came here because I wanted to talk to Ms. Hawkeye!"

Riza looked up from her book. "Yes?"

"Outside..." Maes said.

Riza got up from her desk and walked out the door. Maes followed her.

* * *

outside 

"Now, Riza...I want to talk to you about marriage.." Maes started out.

"Lieutenant Colonel..I'm pretty sure that you have a wife and child.." Riza said blankly.

"NOT FOR ME!" Maes said and slapped himself mentally again. "For you!"

"..." Riza didn't know how to take this. "Sir..I don't need to get married right now.."

"Yes you do! That's the thing. Roy loves you so much, and you love him so much that you two are blind to see it!"

" I don't think so."

"Then you leave me no choice!" Maes exclaimed.

"...huh?" Riza stared in confusion.

Maes punched Riza in the back of the head really..._Really_ hard. She fell to the floor, knocked out.

"Like I said..you leave me no choice...Than to dress up like you and get married!"

Maes picked her up and went back into Roy's office.

"MAES! What the hell did you do?" Roy yelled from his seat.

" I was talking about things that poor Riza wasn't ready for! So she fainted into my arms!" Maes said dramatically..

"...Maes..."

"Yes?"

"Why does everything you say, sound so insanely perverted?"

"Well I used to be a prostitute!"

"..."

"Okay, yeah I was lying..about that"

"Right.." Roy said, pretty sure he'd never look at Maes the same way again.

"Listen! I'll bring your 1st lieutenant home! She doesn't have to be knocked out and at work!" Maes said.

"No, Maes..I think I'll do it myself..." Roy said, slightly hesitant...He had second thought about Maes bringing Riza home...especially after he told him he was a prostitute.

"No! I'll get her home!" Maes said, bursting out the door.

"MAES! NO!" Roy raced to the door, but by then, Maes was out of sight.

* * *

-away from there- 

Maes held up a razor.

"I'm sorry Riza, but this is for your own good!" Maes brought it down,

And began to shave his legs.

"OW! Damnit!" Maes was obviously having trouble.

Now, after Maes was done...shaving his legs...(how insanely wrong that sounds), he got up and ran to his wife's closet.

"A nice...dress...no wait..a _miniskirt!_ Roy likes miniskirts..." Maes looked around for any sign of a miniskirt, and finally found one...Just one...It was black...and...really short..

"Wait...what's Gracia doing with _this?_" Maes questioned himself...but just went around to wear a normal dress.

Maes ran back to the room where he left Riza in. He picked her up and stuffed her in the nearest closet possible.

"Don't worry..I'll get you out as soon as possible!"

Maes locked the door and went back to his room. He put on the dress, pulled a wig he bought earlier on himself, and grabbed some of his wife's shoes...

The door opened. _Shit_.

"..." Gracia stood in the doorway

"Gracia! It isn't what it seems!" Maes said quickly.

"...Maes...You're wearing a dress, a wig, and you're now holding my shoes..."

"But! There's a reason behind all of this!"

"Yes...there's always a reason..Could this possibly have something to do with you having to get Roy married?"

"Maaaaybe.." Maes lied. He was _always_ trying to get Roy married.

Gracia sighed and just left the room.

Maes pulled on the shoes and stood in front of the mirror...I guess you could say he looked _SOMEWHAT_ like Riza..Pretty weird...but it would do.

"Time to get married, Roy..." Maes ran out the door.

* * *

-at headquarters- 

Roy pressed his pen down against the dreaded signature paper.

_There have been reports in Ishbal about blah blah blah blah including incidents about Scar blah blah blah eating some sandwiches blah blah blah and playing with little children_.

Roy signed the paper allowing soldiers to have tea with him.

The door creaked open.

Roy looked up for a second and then looked back down at his paper..._waitaminute._

"HOLY-!" Roy yelled as he saw the sight before him.

"Heeeeey, Royyyy!" 'Riza' said as 'she' entered the room. She sounded slightly drunk.

Roy continued to stare in shock. Since when did Riza get so fat?

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! What did you do!" Roy said.

"That's _Riza!_" Maes said and shook the wig hair around in a sexy way. _'I can't believe I'm doing this..'_

"R-Riza..." Roy said slowly.._ '...' _Roy's mind began to shut down.

"Hey...if you're not busy tonight, how would you like to come and have dinner with me?" Maes asked in his most feminine voice.

"Uhm...I'm actually pretty busy..." Roy said. Normally he wouldn't have put down a date, but this was completely out of the question.

"Nonsense!" Maes said happily and began to drag Roy out of the room.

"N-NO! Waitaminute!" Roy yelled.

Maes stopped for a minute and got an idea.

"Oh, how sweet! You want a kiss!" Maes said happily.

"NO! Not that! I mean-!"

Maes stared at Roy for awhile and got closer.

"...!" Roy jumped back and pulled his gloves on. He snapped quickly and pushed to flames to Maes. "DAMNIT, MAES! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!"

"Royyyyy...This was my _wife's _dress! Did you have to ruin it?" Maes asked sadly.. "And how did you figure it out!"

"The eyes." Roy stated. "And I also now know how much you suck at impersonating a woman."

"Oh well.." Maes sighed and sat against the wall behind him.

"So...Where's the _real_ Riza..?" Roy asked...

"Oh..uhm.." Maes wondered how to put this.

"_AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" _a scream was heard from HQ.

"...Maes..."

"Yes?"

"You stuffed her in a closet in your house, didn't you.."

"Yes.."

* * *

Wow..I updated! uhm...kinda...well..that scream..was from Gracia! Because apparently she opened the closet that Maes stuffed her in! XD

Wow..anyway..I'll see what I can do later..xP


End file.
